Trusting and Fear

If someone were to ask me if I trusted God. I would answer without much hesitation, “Yes.” Most Christians would. That’s part of the Christian life. We trust God.

From a childhood age, I memorized (and so did a lot of Sunday school kids) Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths (ESV).” So from a child, I was taught to trust God.

Over the course of my Christian walk, I have found that it is much easier in certain times than others. Ironically, I find I put more of my trust in God when things are going terribly wrong versus when everything is going great. When things are going wrong, the only thing I can cling to is that trust. I point my eyes to Christ, and wait for His deliverance from whatever predicament I find myself in. When my emotions were at the bottom, or when I was lonely or desperate in this cruel world, it made sense to cling to Jesus and trust Him. When just getting out of bed in the morning was painful, the only thing I or any of us can do is reach for Christ.

But what about when things are going great? When things are going great, I and many of us tend to forget about trusting in Jesus for day-to-day life. We look around and think to ourselves, “wow! life is great! Awesome! I’ve got this, Lord, don’t trouble yourself with helping me.” Trusting in the Lord for everything becomes something we think less and less when things are going our way. Yet even during the good times if someone were to ask us if we trusted the Lord, we, of course, would say yes.

Last month, I had a big reality check on where my trust in the Lord really was.

Overall, the last year has been incredible. Samuel and I had a wonderful first year of marriage experiencing life, enjoying one another, and exploring the world around us.  We lived in a beautiful apartment in downtown Seattle for 8 months, and then we chose to move back to North Carolina to live near the beach. (I’m a summer baby, I need heat.) Samuel is at a good place in his career. He loves his job, and he looks forward to it everyday. That in itself is a blessing. We both have great relationships with our family and each others families. Everything overall was looking relatively good.

Out of nowhere, this voice inside my head started asking the questions, “What if it all goes away? What if something happens and ruins everything that Samuel and I have together?”

It was simply fear. Fear that the good things would go away, and a bad thing would occur. Instead of trusting God like I claimed that I did, I started obsessing over these questions.

What if everything does go away? Could I manage? Could I handle a pop in my “bubble”? Could I really trust God to keep my life exactly the way it is?

Nothing was happening. Nothing had happened, but I started fearing everything in life. What if Samuel died, or what if I died? What if Samuel lost his job? What if something happened to one of our family members? What if? What if? What if? Lies, lies, and more lies. I began to question the goodness of God even though nothing had changed.

I became obsessive over this. To the point that I was scared to get in the car because I just knew I was going to have a car accident. I was always scared when Samuel drove off because what if he got into a car accident?

I was scared of being home alone because what if someone came while I was here by myself? I was scared to walk down the street alone because what if I was kidnapped? 

All of these crazy scenarios were just swirling in my mind, and I couldn’t stop them.  

I had trusted God enough to bring me to this point in my life, but I wasn’t trusting Him now that I was here. 

So even though if anyone would asked me if I was trusting God, my immediate answer would be – yes. The correct answer was – no. Fearing everything is not putting our trust in the Lord.

The Lord wants us to trust Him in the bad times and even in the good times. We cry out to Him when we are in trouble and need him, but when things are going our way, we tend to forget who brought us here in the first place. We are God’s children, and He loves us. Sometimes things do happen that we wouldn’t choose, but He is always there with us through every step of it. 

Let’s say something bad did happen, is God still in control? Yes. Will God see me through it? Yes. 

I have to really and truly put my trust in Him no matter what. I have to trust Him with my life, my husband’s life, our family’s lives. I have to trust Him for Samuel’s job, our future home, and our livelihood. I trusted Him when all this wasn’t in my life, so why shouldn’t I trust Him now that it was> Had God’s character changed? Had His love for me changed? No and no. So why had my trust changed?

Living for God can be an exciting adventure, but we have to step forward day by day with trust. 

We don’t always know why some things happen, but when they do, we have to look to Him first and foremost. 

So I prayed and talked with Samuel and with a friend. I had to look at my fear for what it was. It was a lack of trust in my Creator. 

I repented of my lack of trust and for my fear. I had to ask God to remove this unnecessary fear from my life. I had shifted my focus off of God, and instead shifted my focus to myself and my life around me. Whether good times or bad, He is who we should remain focused on. 

I don’t know what God has in store for my life, but I do know the first thing we all need to do is trust Him with every day. Trust Him with every decision we make. Trust Him with everything that happens in our individual lives. We are going to love some things more than others, but through all of it we have to keep our eyes and our trust on Him.

And for the record, I just did a 10 hour road trip, and enjoyed every minute of it. So long fear and hello trust.

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

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